Mina ja minu kümme nime.

... belive me! It will be.

Wake up kids
We've got the dreamers disease
Age 14 we got you down on your knees
So polite, you're busy still saying please
Fri - enemies, who when you're down ain't your friend
Every night we smash their Mercedes - Benz
First we run and then we laugh till we cry
But when the night is falling
And you cannot find the light
If you feel your dream is dying
Hold tight
You've got the music in you
Don't let go
You've got the music in you
One dance left
This world is gonna pull through
Don't give up
You've got a reason to live
Can't forget you only get what you give
Four a. m. we ran a miracle mile
Were flat broke but hey we do it in style
The bad rich
God's flying in for your trial

This whole damn world can fall apart
You'll be ok follow your heart
You're in harms way
I'm right behind
Now say youre mine

Fly high
What's real can't die
You only get what you give
Just dont be afraid to leave
Health insurance rip off lying FDA big bankers buying
Fake computer crashes dining
Cloning while they're multiplying
Fashion mag shoots
With the aid of 8 dust brothers Beck, Hanson
Courtney Love and Marilyn Manson
You're all fakes
Run to your mansions
Come around
We'll kick your ass in!
Don't let go
One dance left

Championed by a soulless media misleading
People unaware they're bleeding
No one with a brain is believing
It's so sad you lost the meaning
Never knew it anyway
Human natures so predictable
I'm a fool to do your dirty work whoa, whoa
(New Radicals - You get what you give)

Ma olin juuksuris täna jälle
täna pool päeva
Ja olin maniküüris täna jälle
täna pool päeva
Ja solaarium toonis mu nahka
ja jõusaal voolis mu keha
Ja üleüldse ma hullult näen vaeva
päevast päeva, päevast päeva

Kuid ta ei vaata mind
Absoluutselt
Kuid ta ei taha mind
Absoluutselt
Kuid ta ei helista mulle üldse
Absoluutselt
Ja pole mõtet vist lisada
et ta ei messi ka
Absoluutselt

Ma käisin poodides täna jälle
täna terve päeva
Ja olin mõtetes täna jälle
täna terve päeva
Ja sõitsin autoga maha paar märki
ja unustasin oma gucci koti parki

Ja nii päevast päeva
ma unistan aina kuid ta ei vaata mind
Absoluutselt
Kuid ta ei taha mind
Absoluutselt
Kuid ta ei helista mulle üldse
Absoluutselt
Ja pole mõtet vist lisada
et ta ei messi ka
Absoluutselt

Lalalalalalalalaa no mis elu see on?
(Hannaliisa Uusmaa - Absoluutsel)

I hate the world today
You’re so good to me, i know
But i can't change
Tried to tell you
But you look at me like maybe i’m an angel underneath
Inoccent and sweet

Yesterday i cried
Must have been relieved to see the softer side
I can understand how you’d bee so confused
I don’t envy you
I’m a little bit of everything
All roled into one

I’m a bitch i’m a lover
I’m a child i’m a mother
I’m a sinner i’m a saint
I do not feel ashamed
I’m your hell i’m your dream
I’m nothing in between
You know, you wouldn’t want it any other way

So take me as i am
This may mean, you’ll have to be a stronger man
Rest a sure when i start to make you nervous
And i’m going to extreams
Tomorrow i will change and today won’t mean a thing

Just when you think
You got me figured out
The seasons are already changin’
I think it’s cool, you do what you do
And don’t try to save me

I’m a bitch, i’m a tease
I'm a goddess on my knees
When you hurt
When you suffer
I'm your angel undercover
I've been numb
I'm revived
Can't say i'm not alive
You know i wouldn't want it any other way
(Alanis Morissette - I´m a bitch)

She’s cold and she’s cruel
But she knows what she’s doin’
She pushed me in the pool
At our last school reunion
She laughs at my dreams
But I dream about her laughter
Strange as it seems
She’s the one I’m after

Cause she’s bittersweet
She knocks me off of my feet
And I can’t help myself
I don’t want anyone else
She’s a mystery
She’s too much for me
But I keep coming back for more
She’s just the girl I’m looking for

She can’t keep a secret
For more than an hour
She runs on one hundred proof attitude power
And the more she ignores me
The more I adore her
What can I do
I’d do anything for her

The way she sees it’s me
On her caller I.D.
She won’t pick up the phone
She’d rather be alone
But I can’t give up just yet
Cause every word she’s ever said
Still ringing in my head
Still ringing in my head

She’s cold and she’s cruel
But she knows what she’s doin’
Knows just what to say
So my whole day is ruined

Cause she’s bittersweet
She knocks me off of my feet
And I can’t help myself
I don’t want anyone else
She’s a mystery
She’s too much for me
But I keep coming back for more
Oh, I keep coming back for more
She’s just the girl I’m looking for
(the Click Five - Just the girl I'm looking for)

Don't read to much into these words. They mean nothing. Just like always.
Just some pretty things to hear, to have ringing in my head.
Things to think about when you don't want to think about anything else.
Cause they mean nothing.

Alanis Morissette - Uninvited
Alanis Morissette - I'm a bitch

We are who we choose to be...

And I guess the time has finally come. Yes winter holidays passed by rather differently than I'm used to. Different but not bad or at least not a bit worse than normally. Xmas were rather odd and the new year's eve was pleasant though I couldn't be in two places at once Witch is sad but I'll survive. Non of us can.
Well I do love the holidays and stuff but I guess I´m glad they're over. At the moment I'd spend the next whole week or so at home doing nothing but watching some movies Taavi was kind enough to lend me. Marie Antoinette, Casino Royal... etc. And a cup of hot tea would be nice as well. Anyway that's my plan for the next couple of days. Let's hope I'll be able to follow it.
Last night in Elva was great. Saw some people or a person whom I hadn't seen in years. I so though Miku was joking but noooooo. But it all worked out ind the end. Witch by the way never seemed to come. I got to bed really late and was exhausted. Seriously.
And that's it... I think.

Charis
... with some new year's resolutions.

Ja üleüldse ei kavatsegi ma sellega tegeleda. Ükskõik kui unlike me see ka ei oleks. Miks ma peaks selle pärast muretsema. Miks keegi peaks selle pärast muretsema. Miks üldse muretseda. Ma ei tahagi muretseda. Uus aasta toob mis ta toob ja mis seal ikka.

Oh Lord, please give me the strength to change the things I can change, the patience to accept the things I can't, and the wisdom to tell the difference.

Kaisa once wrote in her blog:
It's not having what you want
It's wanting what you've got

Well unlike some people I know... I just can't be happy when what I have is not what I want.

I'm a great liar. So ironically the person I lie most to is well me. But here's a truth about the truth... it hurts. So we lie.

Ma tahaks armastada. Ma tahaks, et mulle tõestataks, et see on olemas.

Hih.
Ma olen ikka veel haige. Eile käisin arstil, sain ravimeid ja tõendeid. Ja kopsupildi. Niipalju siis sellest.
See nädal kodus on olnud ülimalt igav. Kodus passida pole kunagi tore. Seda eriti nii pikalt järjest.
Korraks käisin ma koolis esmaspäeval. Tegin ära Kemmu töö, mis kokkuvõttes ei olnudki nii jube kohutav nagu ma seda arvasin.
Kolmapäeval tegin ma suur puhastuse oma kodus. Kõik nurgad ja nii edasi. Ma võin enda üle uhke olla.
Ja neljapäeval käisingi arstil, läksin kooli... andsin õpsile tõendi ja rääkisin Itaaliast. Nüüd ootangi Tõnu kõnet. Jahm...
Pärast tuli kaisa mintsa. Muidugi enne üritas ta leida kingitust vastasoost endale. Hih. Täna on sunnitud temaga shoppama minema Madli. Aga ma ei tea kas see ikka toimub nii.
Kaisaga tegime me natuke piparkooke. Pehmeid, mitte väga tugevaid. Aga meile maitsesid, Taavile ja kullamaale ja kõigile kes mulle vastu kõndisid... neile kah
Aktuse moodi asi oli tore. Meie klassi esitus oli mõnus. Siinkohal kiitused taavile ja mihklile kes olid... ma tsiteerin... vahvad ja lahedad. Väga tublid!
Ma loodan, et minu kingitus tegi Geroldi rõõmsaks. Ja tänud Helenale. Mulle väga meeldis minu kingitus so
Täna on õhtusöök Suudlevates tudengites. Juba ootan. Aga selle eilse trallerdamise pärast on täna hommikul kuidagi eriti paha olla. Ma ei jäta minemata. Ei!
Ja emme ja issi ostsid mulle kingituse ära... jee!

Häid pühi
Charis

Now hush honey,
My baby's gonna buy me a mocking bird
and if that mocking bird don't sing
Baby's gonna buy me a diamond ring
and if that diamond ring don't shine...
We'll still have a real good time.
* * *
To this man that I have found...

Täna enam palaviku pole või noh hetkel ei ole. Aga öösel magada oli suht jube. Mind vae'vasid probleemid hingamiselundkonnas ja imelikud unenäod. Aga jah ma hakkan vist juba vaikselt paranema. Ma tean kui väga teid mu haiguslugu huvitab... aga kui ma veel kirjutaks siis peaksin ma end psühhiaatri juurde kirjua panna.
Kaisa blogi lugedes hakkasin ise kah mõtle et mis ma jõuludeks siis tahan. Ma ütlen, see aasta tulevad nad kuidagi järsku. Varem olen ma alati nädalaid enne sel teemal juurelnud ja nüüd?
Peab vast linnas ühe korraliku shopingu tripi tegema et koostata oma wishlist. Kõik need asjad mis kaisa mainis on väga toredad ja armsad aga ma arvan et mitte piisavalt spetsiifilised.
Midagi vaimukat, pehmet, sooja, karvast, ilusat, läikivat, hõbedast... või kõrge kontsaga kingi võib ju mulle kinkida Jah.tegelt mis see kingitus ära ei ole. Kõige tähtsam on siiski pere.
Ma usun et see aasta jõulud saavad toredad olema. Esmaspäeast alates käiks ma hea meelega koolis päkapiku mõtsiga... mida mul ei ole.
Meie kuusepuu on koolis nii armas. Nagu väga väga armas. Selline kõrge ja kaunis. Linna kuusepuul pole kah midagi ju viga.
Ei tea kuna meie kuuse toome? Ja kuna ma selle heietamise jõuludest küll lõpetan. Igav juba iseendal. Jah noh baika!

Charis
donkey? more like a dark force on for legs.

it had been raining for almost a day now. she hadn't smiled for several days and for a week now she had been single. oh how she dreaded this period. she had never really liked dating, she had never wanted to be anyones woman come to think of it. she was just afraid of being alone. yes she knew that she needed someone and the pain of that knowledge burnt just as badly as the tears on her cheeks. she had always know that it just wouldn't last but still it had come as a shock when he left. she didn't show it out. there was far too much pride in her for that. She never said that her hart was broken, but that could have been because it was the truth. yes it wasn't her hart that brought on the tears. When he said that the time had come to end their relationship she took it just as she'd take the news about somebody buying the pair of shoes she was planning to buy. She made no drama, didn't look shocked. all she said was that she was surprised that it was him who ended it. And then it was his time to hide his shock.
yes, they hadn't meant much to one another. Just two people trying to make it work to have someone to prove that they had lived when they're finally gone.
she was standing by the window looking out into the rain that was pouring just like the tears from her face. what was the point of it all. she wasn't really hurt nor did she feel sad. but then... why was she crying. at that thought she dried her face with her sleeve, put down the half empty class of wine and walked away.
* * *
There he was. She had finally gone out with her girlfriends like any normal single girl but she hadn't counted seeing him. what was up with that. it's not like this was the only club in town. why of all the places was she meant to see him here and now. she had planned a wild night and now decided that nothing, even him, would stand in her way. So she drank and she danced just like he wasn't there. but she couldn't help her eyes from looking his way from time to time. she had always enjoyed men watching her and it meant the world to her to see him looking at her as well. yes, she needed the attention.
but he was surrounded. there were good looking girls all around him. there had always been. just as she was beautiful, he was handsome and financially secured. he's parents were in high society and had been able to give him a good upbringing and education. she had been a part of his rebellion against them. she had always know that. his parents had never liked her. they didn't see her as to be good enough for their son. they had been civilized and polite to her but mostly they tried to act as if she weren't a part of his life. a part of their life.
she had never minded being used by him to annoy his mum and dad, but she hadn't been annoying enough so he had to go around and have a few affairs. she hadn't minded that either. forgave him each time. she had reasoned her way out of his cheating. he was with her with a purpose. so was she. her life with him was convenient. she had no cares. there was always someone next to her, with her. someone to go to places with and someone to be shown out with. and those women who he had slept with meant nothing to her. they were just names and faces. good looking bodies and no personalities. they hadn't meant anything to him either or he would have left her for them. so she saw no reason to drama or stress.
he had always thought that the reason she kept forgiving him was that she just couldn't live without him and that made him feel good about himself. in a way it was true. she had gotten used to her lifestyle. If he had thought more about the reasons why she didn't leave him he would have seen that she never even made a scene and that a loving woman would have. And that would have brought him face to face with the truth.
the party was going nowhere. it was already pass three but she still wasn't having fun. more like pretending to have fun. finally her eyes met his. for the first time there was fire in them. a flame that burnt his eyes.
* * *
I never said I can write. That doesn't mean I shouldn't write...

Jätkub.! To be continued.!

... this love of ours and that we met.

Ma olen väsinud ja mu pea valutab... On terve päeva valutanud. Lugesin läbi kõik horoskoobid, mida ma lugeda armastan ja tegin avastuse. Päris mööda on need asjad ikkagi. Mitte üheski neist polnud mainitud haigust ega midagi. Nuux.
Juba eile õhtul oli mul veider olla. Aga oli vaja ajalugu õppida. Kui ma lõpuks magama sain leidsin, et mu nina on kinni. Sheesh kui jube. Just siis kui mul vaja välja puhata on.
Ja siis hommikul ärkasin varakult plaaniga minna kooli varem, et korrata. Ikka oli halb olla. Lõpuks mõtlesin et tuleb vast end kraadida. Jah oh üllatust palavik. Nii ma siis olengi päev otsa piinelnud. Jad piinelnud. Pea valutab, kael ja selg ja kogu keha on kange. Niipalju siis vingumisest...
Koolis ei saanud mitte keegi mitte millegagi hakkama. Mis tähendab, et ma ei viitsi kah enam jamada nende boheemlastega (ma ütleks midagi ropumat... aga ma ju ei ropenda). Loodan, et vähemalt hinnapkkumine tuleb ära.
Ja jõulupeo värk on kah keeruline. Kohta on raske saada ja taaskord kedagi ei huvita... tekib küsimus, et miks peaks mina rabama oma naba paigast kui kedagi ei huvitagi!
Veider meeleolu mul või mis?
Noh jah. Ma usun et kemmuga saab kõik korda. Ma loodan. Noh igastahes ma kardan, et Sven mulle kemmut õpetada omme ei saa. Ma ei usu et ma saaks taga kokku saada.
Ülikõww oleks kui inimesed ei oleks nii mökud ja kohati isegi oskamatud ja tahtejõuetud.
Niisiis täna magasin ma maha ajaloo KT, homme me arvan et ei saa ka geo tööd teha. Või ma olen selles suht kindel. Ma ju ei õpi hetkel selleks.
Esmaspäeval on kemmu töö, biuka järeltöö... millest muide sõltub mu hinne Yeeey!. Teisipäeval on ka inka töö ja ma mõtlesin vahelduseks natuke neid sõnu ja asju õppida. Need jäävad mulle ju kergesti tegelt pähe. Nii et see ei oleks suur jõupingutus. Ning järgmine nädal on selle perioodi viimane nädal. Mille jooksul pean ma siis ära tegema 2KT ja 3järeltööd. Õnneks on vahel pikk nädalavehtus. Iseasi mis konditsioonis ma õppimiseks olen.
Sel nädalal pole midagi suurt juhtunud. Jah kahjuks
Ma nii ootan jõule. Naljakas. Ma olen neid nii kaua oodanud ja nad tulevad natuke järsult siiski. Ma pole veel ühtegi kinki ära ostnud. Omg klassikink tuleb kindlasti ära osta. Kindlasti! Ma mõtlesin et ehk kingiks talle karvased sussid Sellised mõmmid. Minu meelest oleks need naljakas. Aga Mul on twisted humour. Kaisa, Madli- te teate kellele ma teen so... mis te arvate mu kohutavalt vaimukast ideest? Ehk peaks ma kellegi endale shoppama appi kutsuma? Ja mis ma secret santana for a friend küll kingin?
Pühad ei ole mitet ainult tore aeg vaid ka noh stressi täis. Aga mulle meeldivad jõulud. Me lähme perega vast Tallinna. Tädile ja ta perele külla. Ma tahaks Liisu kah kaasa võtta. Miks ta peab jõuludel üksi olema? Okei. Ma saan aru jah et ta ei tea, et on jõulud. BUT!
Tahaks lund. Väga väga väga tahaks lund. Et ma saaks jõuluõhtul jalutada lumes, mängida lumes. Oh palun kõiki jumalusi ja jõude, keda inimene üldse kunagi kummardanud... andke mulle valged jõulud.
Noh nii ja jõuamegi Uusaasta plaanideni. Või sõnastame ümebr... Plaanid, 31. dets? Ma nii loodan, et mu plaanid mind alt ei vea. Nuux. aga mihkel ütles, et see ongi selle hooaja iga aastane suurim hirm ja ma harjugu ära. Vot ikka ei harju küll. Varsti hakkan ise midagi korraldama. Hetkel lihtsalt tuleb liugu lasta oma sõprade ja tutvuste peal, keda ma aastal 2008 kaotada ei taha! Ja neid ikka on.
Tegeöt lõpetame tänaseks.

Charis.
Bauty need only be a whisper.

Energia jäävuse seadus ütleb meile, et energia ei teki ega kao vaid võib muunduda ühest liigist teise ning kanduda ühel kehalt teisele.

Armastus on nagu Energia.
Armastus ongi Energia.
Ja mis me teeks energiata? Mis me teeks sel juhul ka armastuseta?
Aga oma lihtsuses on energia jube keeruline.
Kui palju valemeid ja kui palju erinevaid liike...
Aga eks armastusel ole neid liike veel rohkemgi.
Nii et mis siis lõpuks on armastus?
(http://et.wikipedia.org/wiki/Energia)___##0##___ Kas me saame defineerida armastust nagu eneriat? Ma ei näe mingit takistust...

So today, for my amusement I'm gonna post in English. Won't this be fun, now?
Here I go then. My Saturday passed nicely. I did my duties that had been put upon me by non other than my parents. Also took a bath. And I seriously don't have a clue why I'm mentioning this to you lot. Anyway...
So finally, after a lot of drama and mandarins I was in Elva. Where I found Kaisa, Madli and Mihkel already waiting....Kaisa had bought some wine and I something something as well. The wine was really good by-the-way and pink. Let's not forget the fact that it was pink. I mean seriously who doesn't like pink... love pink? And then the couples started showing up... and they came and they came... There was no end. Please somebody... make the cuteness stop! Some couples just can't keep their hands away from one another and some couples are actually pretty good together. Not that it makes it any better.
And while our lovely little couples were being nauseating other people talked. And we talked and we talked. In other words we were thinking strongly left and laughing rather a lot. Hihii.
So time passed and nothing changed. Until finally we left madley's place...
And oh how nostalgic everything was. The music, the people... the place itself. Funnnny. Mikk said the same thing. The Weirdest memories jumped into my head.
And as usual I just had to...But it was a fun test. I'd say that it was even amusing. Nice to see some things. And even nicer to know some other things.
And at some time me and kaisa found our beds in madlis spare room. After a few minutes kaisa was sound asleep and I kept receiving funny messages. So that kinda kept me awake for some time.
In the morning me and kiisu woke up... or more like disturbed the two people in madlis bed. One of them was wearing too little clothes. He was lucky that neither one of us wanted to cause an embarrassing situation. Like we usually do...
A few pancakes and sick jokes later I was finally home...
And so here I am. Thinking about tonight. I have to do the lottery. Yeap.
Nice to see you... and please. I have enough drama. I have had enough drama. I DON'T WANT ANY MORE! Or maybe... that's just a lie?

Ja lõpetuseks küsime:"Kes on Kibu?"

Charis.
Peaaegu parim ego ever!